Heartbreak Notes
by hazelbite1248
Summary: Takes place around 'There's a purpose to falling'. Recommended to read that first. When one game with Sari and Bumblebee leads to them finding some new information about Maria, it's up to Prowl to set things right. But how can he when he himself is surprised of Maria's saddening writings that she's kept from them all? This is a Prowl x OC pairing.


Heartbreak Notes: a TFA fanfiction

disclaimer:I do not own Transformers Animated or any of its characters except my own. I do not own quotes and moments from other movies and TV shows that this story contains. I do not own any of the songs that are played in this story. Please ask me if you want to use the characters I created.

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**hazelbite1248: Okay, so I understand that my timing is a little off with this fanfiction thing. I'm waiting to post the third story to 'There's a purpose to falling', so I thought that I'd do a compromise. Here's my first one-shot and it's taking place around the first season of TFA. So that means it's around where the 'There's a purpose to falling' was about.**

**Enjoy and Review :)**

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Chapter 1: Heartbreak Notes

Sari was running in front of Bumblebee down the hall. Her red pigtails were flying behind her as the eight year old's laughter filled the room. She was playing tag with Bee and he was picking up speed.

"I'm gunna get you Sari! I'm the fastest thing on wheels!" Bee shouted in glee while he was just inches away from catching Sari.

"Not today Bumblebee." Sari smirked and she whipped around to the closest corner. As suspected, the yellow mech raced right passed her. Thus giving Sari enough cover to hide in the room next to where Sari was.

"Where did you go Sari?" Bee called out, Sari didn't want to be found so without thinking she hid under a bed that was in the room.

"Sari? Sari?" the girl heard Bumblebee call out again and she tried to contain her snicker. Sari fit right in under the bed and decided to snuggle in some more, until she hit her foot on something.

"What's this?" Sari asked herself, so she rotated her little body from under the bed to look at this mystery box properly. She reached her hand inside and due to the lack of light, she had to rely on what she was feeling in the box. It felt like paper.

"What in the-"

Sari didn't finish her sentence when she was dragged out from the bed. And met with bright blue optics.

"What are you doing here?" Prowl demanded. Sari looked around and realised what was wrong. She was in Maria's room.

"There you are Sari, is this where you were hiding?" Bumblebee then came to Sari's rescue.

"I didn't know this was Maria's room." Sari admitted. Thankfully, Maria was out around the city and away from the base so she couldn't yell at Sari.

Then Prowl and Bumblebee found something near Sari.

"Sari, what is that?" Bumblebee pointed out to the box beside Sari, she must have pulled the box with her when Prowl tugged her out from under the bed.

"I don't know, it was under her bed." Sari then was on her knees, inspecting the box.

"I feel like we shouldn't go through her properties. Maria wouldn't approve and frankly, neither do I." Prowl tried to convince Sari and Bumblebee.

"Oh, don't sweat it Prowl. This is Maria, we're talking about. What could happen?" Bumblebee waved Prowl off.

"That's what I mean Bumblebee, we don't know what could happen."

"One way to find out." Bumblebee nodded to Sari and with an uneasy look, she pulled out some of the paper from the box.

"I think they're letters." Sari looked in further and one of the pages caught her eye. She began to read some of it and then her dark eyes widened.

Prowl was right, they had no idea that something like this they would find.

"What is it Sari?" Bumblebee asked concerned when he saw her face.

"You guys might want to take a look at this." Sari almost whispered. Now Bumblebee and Prowl were interested on the little piece of paper Sari was holding. They both moved so they could see the note behind Sari.

It was a poem, Sari could recognize Maria's handwriting on it. That's why it was so hard to believe that Maria could write something like this.

_I don't deserve your kind words_  
_Don't expect an agreement or reply_  
_I can't afford your words I hear_  
_Say nothing and let me cry_

_Soundless they will make_  
_The sadness I will hide_  
_Forbidden, but they still show_  
_At times, it's okay to be alone_  
_For my stone-self back, I still fight_

_Their words mean nothing_  
_Telling them I'm better than that_  
_From my cold mask behind_  
_Worthless and pathetic behind_  
_Forcing to keep the mask intact_

_Others, they can't know_  
_What is really happening inside_  
_No acceptance to me they will find_  
_They will see me, the joke_  
_With a worse punch-line_

_On the sea floor_  
_My crushing body, nothing now to hold on_  
_No light, just blue_  
_Heartbreaking, cause it's true_  
_Not even the sun can shine here, it's gone_

_I don't deserve your kind words_  
_They only make me cry_  
_I can't afford the kind words I hear_  
_Say nothing and let me die_

Sari, Bumblebee and Prowl just stood there, in absolute shock. But out of all the three, Prowl was the most surprised.

During Prowl's time on Earth, he spent some time getting into Earth literature. So that meant he was no stranger to poetry. He did admit that it was a very powerful piece of writing with a sense of strong emotion.

But it was coming from Maria. It was plainly shown that the poet here was experiencing a massive feeling of pain. To know that Maria was feeling like this, Prowl demanded to know why. And vowed to himself he would find out.

"Maria wrote this?" Sari's voice spoke out. It was like a mouse speak in the room.

"Why would she write something like that?" Bumblebee looked to Sari and Prowl for an answer for which they didn't have one. What was concerning them all at this time was that there was more pieces of paper in the box on the floor.

But then a sudden voice brought itself to the room. Bumblebee, Sari and Prowl turned their heads and helms to see a certain black-haired human watching them at the doorway.

"What are you doing here?" Then Maria saw them with the box of letters. She walked in and when she saw what Sari had in her hands, she froze.

"Where did you get that?" Maria whispered while she was mostly pointing at Sari with the poem still in her hand.

"I-I found it under your bed... did you write these Maria?" Sari squeaked, Maria only frowned. She didn't want Sari, or anyone to read those things for that matter. Then Bumblebee came up to her.

"Maria we need to know-" Bumblebee started.

"You had no right to read those." She gritted her teeth to Bumblebee.

"We think you might need help." Bumblebee tried to sound caring with that comment.

But that was a cruel insult to Maria.

"Don't you dare tell me that I need help." That's all Maria said before she spun her heels and ran out the door. Sari put her head down in shame, so did Bumblebee but Prowl just glared at them both.

He would very like to give them a piece of his processor on how correct his prediction was. Except he would feel like that wouldn't accomplish anything so he let it slide. Bumblebee then took Sari away from the room so it was just Prowl alone for the time being.

Prowl looked at the box once more. This was an invasion of privacy, of Maria's privacy. Prowl already knew that Maria was the type of girl who was big on trust. When he saw her walk in, Prowl could just see the hurt in her grey eyes. Thinking about this further, he told himself he had to make things right.

So he gently tucked the box under the bed and went out the door looking for Maria. But took one piece of paper from the box with him.

Hours later:

Maria was on the roof of the Autobot base, looking at the sunset that painted itself on the sky. She felt pretty defenceless but not because she was in such an open place.

It was because Sari, Bee and Prowl knew about her poetry.

Yes, she did write them. However they weren't as recent as the bots and Sari may have been thinking. That part of Maria's life is behind her, a part that should have been kept buried.

From far over the other side of the roof, Prowl was keeping an optic for Maria. To Prowl's understanding, Maria hadn't moved from that spot for a good hour or so. And since Prowl didn't have anything else to do, he decided to see what the piece of paper he kept in his sub space had written. He carefully unfolded the paper and started to read.

_I'm ugly, I'm worthless_  
_From the bashing water, I'm the stone_  
_But see in my eyes_  
_They're rotten and demised_  
_Will I die alone?_

_I'm invisible, I'm nothing_  
_The screaming wind to the broken leaf blown_  
_Couldn't keep love alive_  
_To save my life_  
_I will accept dieing alone_

_They all might not realize_  
_With grace, they blossom and grow_  
_They put smiles on my face_  
_When I can't alone, no higher disgrace_  
_Cause from inside I have died alone_

_Confused, the eyes of others_  
_Why must I cause more pain to flow_  
_Trying to open up_  
_I come crashing down, the screw-up_  
_I was right, I'm dead_

_Forever alone._

The black and gold ninja bot finished reading the poem and his spark ached for Maria. He then decided to walk to Maria, hopefully is she will let him get close enough.

"Prowl, you've been watching me for the past hour. What do you want from me?" Maria didn't even move to see that it was Prowl that was next to her. The bot just sat next to Maria as she was moving some of her black hair away from her face.

"I'm sorry." Maria started off, which caught Prowl off guard.

"You're sorry?"

"I shouldn't have talked to you like that, or to Bee and Sari like that too. I knew Sari got those things by accident... I was just so upset that you and the other had to see that." Maria continued to look at the clouds.

"Maria, are you... happy?" Prowl begun with, Maria turned her head with confusion to see him.

"I mean are you happy with your life?" Prowl corrected himself and Maria lowered her eyes.

"I didn't used to."

"Would you like to talk about it? I think that if something is bothering you, you can always talk to me about it Maria." Prowl looked down to see Maria. The woman then gave a large sigh.

"It was a long time ago when I wrote those poems, letters, even diary entries. I still remember what I felt like when I wrote them." Maria told Prowl. He kept himself silent so Maria kept going.

"It was like, nothing I could do would amount to something. Like I couldn't speak and be heard, I had nothing in me that would benefit anyone. I just drifted, I was so lost. And every time when some one would look at me, I always thought it was out of disgust, or cruel pity. Sometimes I just couldn't stand for them to even look at me. I wanted to be alone, I didn't want to live." Maria stopped for a long take of air.

"One way I found to make it a little better was to write about it. Hey, anything's better than to hurt yourself right?" Maria tried to chuckle, but it then died down.

Everything was so quiet. Until Prowl then picked up Maria.

"Maria, you are so much more than that." He quietly told her as he held her close to his spark. Maria could feel the warmth from Prowl and it made her relax.

"Thanks Prowl." Maria said, while she rested her head on Prowl. They shared the tender moment until Prowl let her down when it got dark.

"So you read what, two of my personal poems? Were they good?" Maria walked beside Prowl and he didn't quite understand what she meant.

"Do you think they were written well, or do I have to try harder next time?"

"That's horrible." Prowl told Maria in her effort to be a little humourous.

"What can I say." Maria shrugged her shoulders and the two of them went inside the base.

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**hazelbite1248: And there you have it X) I will admit that I do own those two poems, I wrote them. And since they have been sitting and doing nothing, I said 'why not' and used them for a story. Hope you readers like them and off I go. Bye XD**


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